More DC Jokes

**Posted: Wed Feb 03, 2010 9:57 pm**

Yet more DC jokes I found on the web. Very Happy

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You Know You Work For The Government When:

*You work 200 hours for the $100 bonus check and jubilantly say "Oh wow, thanks!"

*Training is something spoken about but never seen.

*Leave is something you roll over to next year.

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Q: What's on the end of a necklace that reflects your image, indicates status and gives you immediate access?
A: A badge.

Q: Why did General Washington cross the Delaware instead of the Potomac?
A: Virginians don't go into Maryland.

Q: How did the GS-1 shut down the federal government?
A: He went into a crowded cafeteria and shouted "Snowflake!"

Q: How many generals does it take to change a Pentagon light bulb?
A: None. Colonels change light bulbs.

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You Know You're In DC When:

*You stop someone on the street to ask for directions, and 75% of the time they say "Oh sorry, I'm just visiting".

*When you ask someone what they do for a living they respond "I would tell you, but then I'd have to kill you." And they're serious.

*Nobody you know actually makes anything.

*The road you are on is suddenly interrupted by a building.

*Everyone calls the 10 inches of snow in 1996 "THE GREAT BLIZZARD"

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Things Learned In Washington:

*That man can live on 4 hours of sleep.

*101 ways to answer the phone.

*That 9% sales tax, even with representation, is tyranny.

*Where you don't want to be in a nuclear war.

*To always choose plastic over metal.

*That hell hath no fury like a vested interest masquerading as a moral principle.

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"Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!"

"In America, anyone can be president. that's one of the risks you take."

"The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver."

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A priest walked into a barbershop in Washington, D.C. After he got his haircut, he asked how much it would be. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the Lord."
The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 prayer books and a thank you note from the priest in front of the door.
Later that day, a police officer came in and got his hair cut. He then asked how much it was. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the community."
The next morning, he came to work and there were a dozen donuts and a thank you note from the police officer.
Then, a Senator came in and got a haircut. When he was done he asked how much it was. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the country."
The next morning, the barber came to work and there were a dozen Senators in front of the door.
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Travel To Exotic Distant Places, Meet Interesting New People, And Get Stabbed In The Back By Them

**Posted: Tue Mar 02, 2010 10:03 pm**

You Know You Live In DC When:

*You met all your friends through work.

*You pay insane amounts of money for something the size of a shoebox, and are pleased because you got such a great deal.

*You have friends where you don't know all the details of exactly what they do or they don't know all the details of exactly what you do, and you each know better than to ask.

*You curse under your breath when a presidential motorcade goes by, because it's delaying your commute...again.

*You can't remember the last time you ate a meal that didn't come out of a microwavable box (or a restaurant kitchen).

*You read the news religiously throughout the day. No one gets on your case for slacking on the job because it IS part of your job to know what's going on.

*Everyone you know is either a fed or a lawyer. Or both.
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Travel To Exotic Distant Places, Meet Interesting New People, And Get Stabbed In The Back By Them